Uncle Bert’s Smooth Guacamole With A Twist (Part Deux from earlier post)

... Uncle Bert’s Smooth Guacamole With A Twist (Part Deux from earlier post)" />

You STILL should NEVER get excited about store-bought guacamole if you care about your friends and family. But you can switch it up on them and give them something different. Something smooth and creamy to the point of being elegant. Borderline boujee, if you will. 

If you want real guacamole that will wow your people EVERY. SINGLE. TIME they come over for Taco Tuesday, or you just want to pay homage to great Mexican cuisine…you’re still in the right place. 

Per my previous post, guacamole should be “unholy” because it holds a lot of heat, even with the avocados and the sour cream to smooth it out. All the people in the back saying you can’t put sour cream in guac – please, stop. And the shot of tequila still keeps it fresh and bright.

BUT! The new additions, my friends! I scream them out in the recipe because they smooth the guacamole almost to the point of being spreadable. The roasted garlic is a smoother in and of itself. The blue cheese chunks blend well with the sour cream to yield a slight twang. And the bacon? What DOESN’T go well with bacon? (Don’t worry, I’ll wait…)

Uncle Bert’s Smooth Guacamole With a Twist

Uncle Bert
A guacamole smooth enough to spread on your toast but chunky enough to hold down your chips. This one will wow your guests and keep you on the throne as Guac Ruler.
Prep Time 25 mins
Total Time 25 mins
Course Side Dish
Cuisine American, Mexican
Servings 10 people


  • 5 Haas avocados
  • 1 head roasted garlic paste
  • 1/2 tbsp sea salt
  • 1/4 cup Bleu cheese
  • 8 strips bacon
  • 1/2 red onion
  • 1/2 sweet onion
  • 1 cup sour cream
  • 1 tbsp lime juice
  • 1 tbsp lemon juice
  • 1 oz tequila
  • 2 Roma tomatoes finely diced and seeded
  • 1 jalapeno pepper finely diced with seeds reserved
  • 3 cups cilantro roughly chopped
  • 2 tsp cumin powder


    Peel avocados and remove pits. Place in a large food processor.
    In a separate mortar and pestle, place the ROASTED garlic, one each of the piles of red and sweet onion, and the seeds of the jalapeno. Crush these ingredients into a smooth paste with the sea salt. You won’t have to work too hard on this one. 
    Scoop the paste into the food processor with the avocados. Use a silicone scraper so you get everything;
    Toss the finely chopped BACON into the food processor along with the BLEU CHEESE crumbles, the tequila and the finely diced jalapeños;
    Throw the cilantro into the food processor. Don’t worry about throwing away the stems – you won’t be able to tell they’re there when you’re finished. 
    Pulse these ingredients to your desired smoothness. 
    Once you have the texture that you want, scrape the guacamole into a large bowl. 
    You can now add the lemon and lime juices, the cubed tomatoes, the roughly chopped bacon, and the remaining onions. Stir the guacamole just enough to see the chunks of flavor.
    Cover your bowl with plastic wrap, placing the pits of the avocado inside and resting the plastic wrap on the guacamole to keep from browning. 
    Refrigerate at least an hour before serving to allow the flavors and the heat to meld.
Keyword bacon, bleu cheese, guacamole,, roasted garlic, smooth


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